A letter to mother, telling her about friend's pet.

by JIA FAHEEM
(PAKISTAN)

Original Text:


Dear Mom,
Hope you are at good state of health and I am also fine here.I am enjoying here with the peter's newly adopted pet,gorilla and a monkey.peter have given them the funny names,but it suites them,monkey is an active pet,he named it JUMPY.And baby gorilla is little dumb Jumpy always disturb the gorilla,but it never take revenge.So Peter named it DUMPY,they both are very lovable and naughty.I think we also should have it-because they are very helpful at every step.
One day peter was ill,so I went for grossery.When I came back.The whole house was cleaned.I came to Peter's room.Jumpy was dusting the table.So this means it will help you in your household chores.
The another day,Peter was much better than the day before.So he was cooking food for us as his mom is outside the country.But unfortunately had his hand burn.I was unable to bandage his hands so gorilla help me out in dressing.Both Jumpy and Dumpy help us.They are very helpful and lovable-we should have a pet.Because they help us on different works.
From your son,
James Walter.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Revised Text:

Dear Mom,

I hope you are in good health, I am fine here. I am enjoying being here with Peter's newly adopted pet gorilla and monkey. Peter has given them funny names, but they suit them. The monkey is an active pet so Peter named it Jumpy. The baby gorilla is little dumb and Jumpy always disturbs it, but it never takes revenge. Peter named it Dumpy. They are both very lovable and naughty. I think we should also have some because they are very helpful at every step.

One day Peter was ill so I went for groceries. When I came back, the whole house was cleaned. I went to Peter's room and Jumpy was dusting the table. It can help you with your household chores.

The another day, Peter was much better so he was cooking food for us as his mom is outside the country. Unfortunately he burned his hand. I was unable to bandage his hand so the gorilla helped me with the dressing.

Both Jumpy and Dumpy help us. They are very helpful and lovable. We should have a pet because they can help us in different ways.

Your son,
James Walter.

Editor:

1. Please review the text carefully to ensure your intended meaning was not mistakenly changed.

2. Before you leave this page, please take a moment to use the "Click here to post comments." link at the bottom of the page to rate the proofreading and leave a comment if you wish.


Proofreading and editing pages that receive ratings and comments are moved to the top of the list.

Click here to post comments

Return to Invitation 5- Proofreading Archive-April to June 2011.