Family

by Mariam
(UAE)

Original Text: Family


The children get benefits from living in a family that includes their grandmother, rather than living in a family where the grandfather is the head of the family. If the grandfather is the head of the household, he becomes the decision maker in that household, even for his grandchildren. However, the decisions that the grandfather takes for his grandchildren have no lasting benefits fpr them because he only focuses on the amusements of his children. The reason for this is that the grandfather sees that he may not be alive when his children grow up. On the other hand, if the father was the decision maker in the household, he would focus on children's education because he may get a benefit from them when he becomes older. The children who live in a household where the father is the head of that house, have better education and food than those who live in a house where the grandfather is the head. This is because the father is more concerned about his children's future since they will support him when they grow up. The grandmothers who live in the same house with their grandchildren while the father is the head, help to support and encourage those children to improve, especially when the parents are not at home. In such households, the father is the decision maker, the resources are controlled, there is an extra caregiver and role model, and the children have the resources that help them to improve.

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Revised Text:

Children get benefits from living in a family that includes their grandmother, rather than living in a family where the grandfather is the head of the family.

If the grandfather is the head of the household, he becomes the decision maker in that household, even for his grandchildren. However, the decisions that the grandfather makes for his grandchildren have no lasting benefits for them because he only focuses on the amusements of his children. The reason for this is that the grandfather knows that he may not be alive when his grandchildren grow up. On the other hand, if the father were the decision maker in the household, he would focus on his children's education because he may receive benefits from them when he becomes older.

Children who live in a household where the father is the head of that house have better education and food than those who live in a house where the grandfather is the head. This is because the father is more concerned about his children's futures since they will support him when they grow up.

Grandmothers who live in the same house with their grandchildren, while the father is the head, help, support and encourage those children to improve, especially when the parents are not at home. In such households, the father is the decision maker, there is an extra caregiver and role model, and the children have the resources to help them improve.

Editor:

1. Please review the text carefully to ensure your intended meaning was not mistakenly changed.

2. Before you leave this page, please take a moment to use the "Click here to post comments." link at the bottom of the page to rate the proofreading and leave a comment if you wish.


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Nov 09, 2015
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May 29, 2011
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Thanks alot
by: Anonymous

Hi Sir..
thanks for proofreading my essay..
but I have a small question.
((help support and encourage those children to improve,))
do you think that it should be a comma after the word (help)!!
Many Thanks
Mariam

Editor:

The answer to your question is yes, if the author (you) wants one. I think I read a slightly different meaning into that sentence than you intended. My mistake.

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