My Description And Favourites - Actually Myself

by Jia Faheem
(Pakistan)

Original Text:


My name is Jia Faheem.And I am preparing for my final exams of senior1.I am five inches and fifteen years old.I love to eat chocolates,specially dark chocolates.The colour I like the most is Pink,because PINK because stands for love caring tenderness and acceptance.Other than pink i like all the colours,because colours are my life.And no one can live without life,so I cannot live without colours.I like to eat fast food and love to drink PEPSI.During lectures I love to eat LOLLIPOP.I love long,thick.curly hairs,because i don't have it.i wear 6 inches heel sandals, but I am use to of it.And i am love in it.I love to drink hot chocolate coffee.
I am Pakistani girl.And I love my cultures and trends.I am slim and smart with round face and prominent forehead.My complexion is olive.I have long wavy hair of dark brown colour.And my eyes colour is same as my hair i have clear bright almond eyes with thin eyebrows.I have rough skin.My mouth is thin liped with straight pearly teeth.My clothing is fashionable.I love wearing skirts.Other than that I also like my traditional dresses.I have squeaky(as per my friend)voice.
I am a loyal friend and kind hearted.My friends call me a bold girl but I think I am not bold enough.I am impatient and full of life.my friends and family are my life and I cannot live without them.Because they are colours of my LIFE.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Revised Text:

My name is Jia Faheem and I am preparing for my final exams of Senior 1. I am fifteen years old and I love to eat chocolates, especially dark chocolates.

The colour I like the most is pink, because pink because stands for love, caring, tenderness and acceptance. Other than pink, I like all the colours, because colours are my life. No one can live without life, so I cannot live without colours.

I like to eat fast food and love to drink Pepsi. During lectures I love to eat Lollipops. I love long, thick, curly hair, because I don't have it. I wear 6 inch heel sandals, but I am used to them and I love them. I love to drink hot chocolate and coffee.

I am Pakistani girl and I love my culture and its' trends. I am slim and smart with a round face and a prominent forehead. My complexion is olive and I have long wavy dark brown hair. My eyes colour is the same as my hair and I have clear, bright, almond eyes with thin eyebrows.

I have rough skin. My mouth is thin lipped with straight pearly teeth. My clothing is fashionable, I love wearing skirts. Other than that, I also like my traditional dresses.

I have squeaky voice (as per my friend.) I am a loyal friend and kind hearted. My friends call me a bold girl, but I think I am not bold enough. I am impatient and full of life. My friends and family are my life, and I cannot live without them because they are the colours of my LIFE.

Editor:

1. Please review the text carefully to ensure your intended meaning was not mistakenly changed.

2. Before you leave this page, please take a moment to use the "Click here to post comments." link at the bottom of the page to rate the proofreading and leave a comment if you wish.


Proofreading and editing pages that receive ratings and comments are moved to the top of the list.

Click here to post comments

Return to Invitation 5- Proofreading Archive-April to June 2011.