My Hometown

Original Text: My Hometown - Essay with prompt: "Describe your relationship with your hometown:"


I never understood how I felt about my hometown until I left it. Like most small town children, I have a complicated relationship with the village that raised me. Every mistake, awkward phase, and slip up was projected onto a screen to be viewed and discussed over fried chicken at the church charity dinner by my tiny community. Clichés are clichés for a reason, and the exasperated small town teen begging for escape is as familiar to me as my brother, my friends, and myself.

On the other hand, what I could never seem to see was that every triumph was detailed equally meticulously and praised accordingly. Often, said triumphs were accompanied by a sweetly awkward photograph in our small town newspaper. Like a yearbook, my mother’s bulletin board displays carefully clipped gap-toothed, brace-face, and bright pageant smiles beside write-ups on theatre roles, charity work, and the occasional athletic achievement. These articles were never saved and clipped by me; instead, mailed by neighbors and friends who couldn’t stand the idea of my appearance in such an illustrious publication being overlooked. And while I never failed to write a thank you note like a good Southern girl, I wish I had understood how special and rare it is to be a part of something so deeply interconnected, to be a part of a community with so much love.

When I left home at seventeen for the University of North Carolina at Wilmington, I adored my newfound feeling of anonymity. I could walk down a street without a smile and not receive a phone call from my mother ten minutes later asking what is wrong. I loved my freedom and felt homesick only rarely. Four months later, when I decided that Wilmington, with its emphasis on partying rather than academics, was not right for me, I returned home for the semester to work, study, and save money while I prepared to transfer to **EDITED OUT** University.

Coming home again opened my eyes, and exasperation gave way to affection. I cleaned out old boxes filled with dusty cards from elementary school, congratulating me on a t-ball win or a successful solo in church, and found it difficult to feel anything but love for my community. My hometown is the smell of my grandmother’s house on Sunday afternoons after church. It is a blanket right out of the dryer in December, and ice-cold lemonade on a ninety-degree day. It can be a delicious comfort, but it is not a place to spread wings. While it’s size can be secure and safe, travel and education remain my biggest goals. Travel and education are precious commodities here, in my hometown where many still do not feel it necessary to complete high school. My relationship has simplified. It is a beautiful safety net that is not going anywhere, giving me the freedom to go everywhere.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Revised Text:

I never understood how I felt about my hometown until I left it. Like most small town children, I have a complicated relationship with the village that raised me. Every mistake, awkward phase, and slip up was projected onto a screen to be viewed and discussed over fried chicken at the church charity dinner by my tiny community. Cliches are cliches for a reason, and the exasperated small town teen begging for escape is as familiar to me as my brother, my friends, and myself.

On the other hand, what I could never seem to see was that every triumph was detailed equally meticulously and praised accordingly. Often, said triumphs were accompanied by a sweetly awkward photograph in our small town newspaper. Like a yearbook, my mother’s bulletin board displays carefully clipped; gap-toothed, brace-face, and bright pageant smiles beside write-ups on theatre roles, charity work, and the occasional athletic achievement. These articles were never saved and clipped by me. Instead, they were mailed by neighbors and friends who couldn’t stand the idea of my appearance in such an illustrious publication being overlooked. While I never failed to write a thank you note, like a good Southern girl, I wish I had understood how special and rare it is to be a part of something so deeply interconnected, to be a part of a community with so much love.

When I left home at seventeen for the University of North Carolina at Wilmington, I adored my new-found feeling of anonymity. I could walk down a street without a smile and not receive a phone call from my mother ten minutes later asking what was wrong. I loved my freedom and felt homesick only rarely. Four months later, when I decided that Wilmington, with its emphasis on partying rather than academics, was not right for me, I returned home for the semester; to work, study, and save money, while I prepared to transfer to **EDITED OUT** University.

Coming home again opened my eyes, and exasperation gave way to affection. I cleaned out old boxes filled with dusty cards from elementary school, congratulating me on a t-ball win or a successful solo in church, and found it difficult to feel anything but love for my community. My hometown is the smell of my grandmother’s house on Sunday afternoons after church. It is a blanket right out of the dryer in December, and an ice-cold lemonade on a ninety-degree day. It can be a delicious comfort, but it is not a place to spread your wings.

While it’s size can feel secure and safe, travel and education remain my biggest goals. Travel and education are precious commodities here, where many still do not feel it necessary to complete high school. My relationship with my hometown has simplified. It is a beautiful safety net that is not going anywhere, giving me the freedom to go everywhere.


Editor:

1. Please review the text carefully to ensure your intended meaning was not mistakenly changed.

2. Before you leave this page, please take a moment to use the "Click here to post comments." link at the bottom of the page to rate the proofreading and leave a comment if you wish.


Proofreading and editing pages that receive ratings and comments are moved to the top of the list.

Comments for My Hometown

Average Rating starstarstarstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

Nov 02, 2015
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Problem
by: Anonymous

After reading your post i am certain that in small towns and villages it is a common problem that people interfere a lot in your life. car window stickers

Sep 20, 2015
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Hometown
by: Anonymous

Excellent blog here! Also your site loads up very fast! What host are you using? Can I get your affiliate link to your host? I wish my site loaded up as quickly as yours lol
GoodCarsForTeens.com

Sep 19, 2015
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
informative
by: Anonymous

Lovely writing & very well explained, very informative it will help students in academic field. I’ll follow your post it is very helpful.
Small Boxes UK

Sep 01, 2015
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Education Trust
by: Anonymous

Maharishi Markandeshwar University, Mullana - Ambala, erstwhile known as Maharishi Markandeshwar Education Trust was founded with the objective of social, educational and economic upliftment of society in the year 1993, in the name of Lord Shiva's devotee, "Maharishi Markandeshwar Ji.
Best University in haryana
mmumullana.org/computer-tech-business/courses-offered71.html - BCA College in Haryana
mmumullana.org/institute-management/about-institute-of-management.html - Best Institute of Management (MBA)
mmumullana.org/engineering-college/courses-offered.html - Best Engineering college in north India
BBA college in haryana

Aug 24, 2015
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Education Trust
by: Anonymous

OPJS University has been established in the year 2013, by an Act (Act No. 19 of 2008) Act No.-16 of 2013, of the Rajasthan State Legislature and is approved under section 2(f) of UGC Act 1956 vested with the authority to award Degrees, Diplomas and Certificates.
Best university in rajasthan
MPhil admission
Phd Courses

Aug 18, 2015
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Mody School is an exclusively
by: Anonymous

Mody School is an exclusively girls' English medium residential school from classes III to XII affiliated to the CBSE, New Delhi. Established in 1988 by Shri Rajendra Prasad Ji Mody, Our Guiding Spirit & Chairman BOG, the School produces individuals with a global outlook.
Top school in Rajasthan

Aug 06, 2015
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Good post
by: Daphnee Murphy

Hello! Your site is great!

I also have a clothes for dance blog and want to publish one of your article on it if it's possible?


I will link at you after publishing! Thanks for answering!

Aug 03, 2015
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
impart quality education
by: Anonymous

DTC strives to impart quality education to transform students to become dynamic in their approach, thinking, attitude & life style.DTC always tries to improve learning process as a Center of excellence.
Best B tech college in delhi NCR
Top engineering college in haryana NCR
B Tech admission 2015 in Delhi ncr
Top BBA College in Delhi ncr

Jul 24, 2015
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Apple products are revered
by: Anonymous

Apple products are revered for its quality, precision and great design. SRSG started its operations as Apple technology partners in the year 1997.
Broadcast consultancy
Apple product dealers in delhi
Radio station consultants
ipad service center in Kolkata
Apple authorized service center Mumbai

May 28, 2011
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Thesis
by: Peter Slate

The revision is excellent. The author competently demonstrates the various aspects of her relationship with her home town. However, there is no explicit thesis that allows the reader to identify the precise nature of the relationship. Perhaps if the revision's second-to-last paragraph began with a statement that directly explained the relationship the author has with her home, then it would be less indistinct -- such as: My hometown is my haven where.......

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Invitation 5- Proofreading Archive-April to June 2011.