by Glenn Gillis
(Lévis Quebec Canada)
Original Text: The Field 22
Like a pious painting, beams of sunlight spreading across the large cotton white clouds almost to announce the coming presence of God. She just stood there staring at the light beams across the clouds as if-, it reminded her of something long ago. Although the scenery was beautiful, she was afraid. It could have been a-, a dream, and a bad dream, yes-, maybe that’s what it was, but she new that she wasn’t the only one to have such dreams. Once at school, Charlie Beaudion had came up with the subject as a couple of friends were talking about their dreams. But what astonished her the most was that it resembled the same kind of bad dream as hers. He said that in his dream Normand Chassé and her self accompanied him. It had to do with a beam of light that immobilized them. Although they all tried desperately to escape from it, they could not. She wondered if Normand Chassé could have had the same dream, but if he did, he never said anything about such a dream.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Revised Text:
Like a pious painting, beams of sunlight spreading across the large cotton white clouds almost seemed to announce the coming presence of God. She just stood there, staring at the light on the clouds as if... it reminded her of something long ago.
Although the scenery was beautiful, she was afraid. It could have been a... a dream, a bad dream. Yes, maybe that’s what it was, and she knew that she wasn’t the only one to have such dreams.
Once at school, Charlie Beaudion had brought up the subject when a couple of friends were talking about their dreams. What astonished her the most was that it seemed to be the same bad dream as hers. He had said that in his dream Normand Chassé and she accompanied him. It had to do with a beam of light that immobilized them. Although they all tried desperately to escape from it, they could not. She wondered if Normand Chassé could have had the same dream? If he had, Normand has never said anything about it.
Editor:
1. Please review the text carefully to ensure your intended meaning was not mistakenly changed.
2. Before you leave this page, please take a moment to use the "Click here to post comments." link at the bottom of the page to rate the proofreading and leave a comment if you wish.
Proofreading and editing pages that receive ratings and comments are moved to the top of the list.