The Field 5

by Glenn Gillis
(Lévis Quebec Canada)

Original Text: The Field 5

“Honey, you sure Barbara could make it tonight?”

“She’d better,” replies Elizabeth with a little tone of sarcasm in her voice.
Suddenly Charlie is excited.
“Mommy mommy look, its Barbara.”
“Hi!” the sitter says as she approaches.
The teenager parts the long blond hair from her face blown by a sudden wind. Before leaving Charlie with the sitter, Elizabeth kisses him on the cheek.
“Charlie, you be a nice boy now, mommy and daddy will be back to pick you up after the game.”
At that instant, Charlie’s attention turns towards the small play ground. Maybe he won’t be alone tonight to play, as he caught a glimpse of other children just near the park. Too excited, he just nodded his head showing that he understood the warning and pulls at Barbara’s hand impatiently. The sitter takes Charlie’s hand and is about to inter the park with him.
“Waite!” shouts his mother as she turns towards the truck.
“His toys”
As his mother comes back, Charlie grabs his toys and begins to run towards the playground dropping a few on the sidewalk. Barbara picks up the fallen toys and proceeds towards the park.
“Have a nice evening.” Barbara offers.
“Thank you Barbara.” replies Alan as he hurries towards the field.

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Revised Text:

“Honey, you sure Barbara can make it tonight?”

“She’d better,” replied Elizabeth, with a little tone of sarcasm in her voice.

Suddenly Charlie was excited. “Mommy, Mommy look, it's Barbara.”

“Hi!” the sitter said as she approached. The teenager's long, blond hair parted from her face, blown by a sudden wind.

Before leaving Charlie with the sitter, Elizabeth kissed him on the cheek. “Charlie, you be a nice boy now, mommy and daddy will be back to pick you up after the game.”

At that instant, Charlie’s attention turned towards the small play ground. "Maybe I won’t be alone tonight to play," he thought, as he caught a glimpse of other children near the park. Too excited, he just nodded his head, showing that he understood the warning, and pulled at Barbara’s hand impatiently. The sitter took Charlie’s hand and was about to enter the park with him.

“Wait!” shouted his mother, as she turned towards the truck. “His toys.”

When his mother came back, Charlie grabbed his toys and began to run towards the playground, dropping a few of them on the sidewalk. Barbara picked up the fallen toys and proceeded towards the park.

“Have a nice evening.” Barbara offered.

“Thank you, Barbara.” replied Alan, as he hurried towards the field.

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