The Field 5

by Glenn Gillis
(Lévis Quebec Canada)

Original Text: The Field 5


“Honey, you sure Barbara could make it tonight?”

“She’d better,” replies Elizabeth with a little tone of sarcasm in her voice.
Suddenly Charlie is excited.
“Mommy mommy look, its Barbara.”
“Hi!” the sitter says as she approaches.
The teenager parts the long blond hair from her face blown by a sudden wind. Before leaving Charlie with the sitter, Elizabeth kisses him on the cheek.
“Charlie, you be a nice boy now, mommy and daddy will be back to pick you up after the game.”
At that instant, Charlie’s attention turns towards the small play ground. Maybe he won’t be alone tonight to play, as he caught a glimpse of other children just near the park. Too excited, he just nodded his head showing that he understood the warning and pulls at Barbara’s hand impatiently. The sitter takes Charlie’s hand and is about to inter the park with him.
“Waite!” shouts his mother as she turns towards the truck.
“His toys”
As his mother comes back, Charlie grabs his toys and begins to run towards the playground dropping a few on the sidewalk. Barbara picks up the fallen toys and proceeds towards the park.
“Have a nice evening.” Barbara offers.
“Thank you Barbara.” replies Alan as he hurries towards the field.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Revised Text:

“Honey, you sure Barbara can make it tonight?”

“She’d better,” replied Elizabeth, with a little tone of sarcasm in her voice.

Suddenly Charlie was excited. “Mommy, Mommy look, it's Barbara.”

“Hi!” the sitter said as she approached. The teenager's long, blond hair parted from her face, blown by a sudden wind.

Before leaving Charlie with the sitter, Elizabeth kissed him on the cheek. “Charlie, you be a nice boy now, mommy and daddy will be back to pick you up after the game.”

At that instant, Charlie’s attention turned towards the small play ground. "Maybe I won’t be alone tonight to play," he thought, as he caught a glimpse of other children near the park. Too excited, he just nodded his head, showing that he understood the warning, and pulled at Barbara’s hand impatiently. The sitter took Charlie’s hand and was about to enter the park with him.

“Wait!” shouted his mother, as she turned towards the truck. “His toys.”

When his mother came back, Charlie grabbed his toys and began to run towards the playground, dropping a few of them on the sidewalk. Barbara picked up the fallen toys and proceeded towards the park.

“Have a nice evening.” Barbara offered.

“Thank you, Barbara.” replied Alan, as he hurried towards the field.

Editor:

1. Please review the text carefully to ensure your intended meaning was not mistakenly changed.

2. Before you leave this page, please take a moment to use the "Click here to post comments." link at the bottom of the page to rate the proofreading and leave a comment if you wish.


Proofreading and editing pages that receive ratings and comments are moved to the top of the list.

Comments for The Field 5

Average Rating starstarstarstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

Nov 11, 2015
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Truly Said
by: Anonymous

Equipment Watch Services - As the costs involved in construction projects, supplies, and labor continue to increase, securing your project location is crucial. A single act of vandalism or theft can reduce your efficiency and profits significantly. Hiring a security company with experienced equipment watch services can help to ensure that your project proceeds smoothly.



Nov 05, 2015
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Nice Try
by: Anonymous

You have re-written it very well, keep writing more to make yourself perfect and get it read by as many proofreaders as possible. custom roll stickers do it yourself

Oct 30, 2015
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Nice
by: Anonymous

Your blog is very nice and interesting. But this post is very shocking but so interesting, i am impressed. Keep up the good work.


liver pool children birthday party djs

Oct 27, 2015
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Very Informative!
by: Anonymous

Thanks for sharing this information, exactly what most of people would love to read about . Thanks again. home move Hatfield

Oct 20, 2015
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Nice Read
by: Anonymous

Thanks for sharing this information, exactly what most of people would love to read about . Thanks again.best harlem tours timing

Oct 20, 2015
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Awesome
by: Mike Wilson

Thanks for sharing this information, exactly what most of people would love to read about . Thanks again.
affordable furniture dismantling service in hertfordshire

Oct 02, 2015
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Good
by: Anonymous

The website is about English express and it has a lot of informative data about English which is very useful for me.I am thankful to you for this.
Best imperial yellow bricks company in uk

Sep 18, 2015
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Nice Story
by: Anonymous

I guess Barbra was sure lucky to come to the place on time, otherwise the mother seems to be quite strict. However, as the boy was eager to play outside in the play ground, what if this boy would grow up and start working in a factory and for the safety of this young boy and all the others it is important for the owner to buy electrical safety matting from us if he in UK or otherwise anywhere else.

Sep 18, 2015
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
good Post
by: Anonymous

nice

Sep 18, 2015
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Nice post
by: Anonymous

he understood the warning and pulls at Barbara’s hand impatiently. The sitter takes Charlie’s hand and is about to inter the park with him.
www.goldenwingstaxi.com

Sep 09, 2015
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
It is very interesting post for us
by: Anonymous

It is very interesting post for us. You are the best one due to your post. It contains very helpful and interesting knowledge. Thanks a lot for sharing and please share some more informative posts. custom shipping boxes and packaging for us

Aug 27, 2015
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
nice information
by: Anonymous

I want to come back here for new post from your site. It is really good to read such a nice writing.Thanks for writing this. I really appreciate your writing. Thanks for taking the time to discuss this,
Buy Good Quality Static Cling window stickers UK

Aug 26, 2015
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
nice post
by: Anonymous

Pacoima Security Guards


Pacoima Security Guards - If you’re looking to invest in a new business or other operation in Pacoima, it's a must that you look into private security.


Aug 14, 2015
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Good post
by: Draupadi

English editing express is a good site about English writing and editing. Like in this website Your post title is "The Fiedl 5" . This site contain a lot of articles about the English improvement and hope you will happy to find this site. However, I try to get information about superiorpapers.com reviews and also want to improve my English. Fro this purpose this site is good.

Aug 10, 2015
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
nice post
by: Anonymous

I like to say big thanks for this post. I like to say thanks for this great effort. thanks a lot for it. keep sharing such kind of articles.
briskcars.com/services/airport-transfer - Best site 4 JFK airport shuttle

Jun 23, 2015
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Good post
by: Linda Klocko MD

Hello! Many thanks for your site!
Could you help me, please? I want to share your article on my site Caketoppers is it possible?

I will link for you as an author! Thanks for answering!

Jun 17, 2011
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
the editing
by: Glenn Gillis

I'm very satisfied with your editing, I still got a lot for you.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Invitation 5- Proofreading Archive-April to June 2011.