Business Document

by Vanessa
(Newnan, GA USA)

Original Text: Business Document


January 16, 20--
Mr. and Mrs. ------ ------
---- ----- Avenue
Albuquerque, NM ----------

Dear Mr. and Mrs. ------

Captain Skytta and I was delighted that you enjoyed our recent Caribbean cruise aboard the Royale Diamond. The weather and scenery were fantastic, and everyone seemed to have a fantastic time.
The Diamond Cruise Line are already designing cruises for next year, and we believe we have a number of cruises which will be of interest to you. We recommend that you look at two of our new routes in particular because we believe these is the types of cruises which you prefer. The enclosed brochure highlights these two new routes to Honnisvag, Norway, in the Artic, and Odessa, Ukraine, the “Pearl of the Black Sea.” We are confident you will find these cruises to be exciting.
As a member of our Diamond Society, you are eligible for a number of benefits not provided to other people who go on our cruises. Our goal are to always provide you with consistent, top-quality accommodations, as well as fast, friendly service. As a Diamond Society member, you is also entitled to special members-only discounts of up to $750 on staterooms and up to $1,250 on penthouse suites for our 15- and 21-day cruises from September through November. All cruises includes a discounted flight from any of our gateway cities. And an on-board credit of $250 per person. However you look at it, you are a winner!
To receive our best deals, don’t wait too long! We still have space available on the White Diamond and the Silver Diamond, both rated 10 stars by Cruise Magazine. But space are limited, and we expect to be sold out within the next 30 days. Please make your travel arrangements today!
We looks forward to welcoming you on board!
Sincerely

Eugene K. Patterson
Manager

rjs

Enclosure

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Revised Text:

January 16, 20--
Mr. and Mrs. ------ ------
---- ----- Avenue
Albuquerque, NM ----------

Dear Mr. and Mrs. ------

Captain Skytta and me were delighted that you enjoyed our recent Caribbean cruise aboard the Royale Diamond. The weather and scenery were fantastic, and everyone seemed to have a fantastic time.

The Diamond Cruise Line is already designing cruises for next year and we believe we have several which will be of interest to you. We recommend that you look at two of our new routes in particular because we believe these are the types of cruises you prefer. The enclosed brochure highlights these two new routes to Honnisvag, Norway, in the Artic, and Odessa, Ukraine, the “Pearl of the Black Sea.” We are confident you will find these cruises to be exciting.

As a member of our Diamond Society, you are eligible for a number of benefits not provided to others who go on our cruises. Our goal is to always provide you with consistent, top-quality accommodations as well as fast, friendly service. As a Diamond Society member, you are also entitled to special "members-only" discounts of up to $750 on staterooms and up to $1,250 on penthouse suites, for our 15- and 21-day cruises from September through November.

All cruises include a discounted flight from any of our gateway cities and an on-board credit of $250 per person.

However you look at it, you are a winner!

To receive our best deals, don’t wait too long! We still have space available on the White Diamond and the Silver Diamond, both rated 10 stars by Cruise Magazine. Space is limited and we expect to be sold out within the next 30 days. Please make your travel arrangements today!

We look forward to welcoming you on board!

Sincerely,

Eugene K. Patterson
Manager

rjs

Enclosure

Editor:

1. Please review the text carefully to ensure your intended meaning was not mistakenly changed.

2. Before you leave this page, please take a moment to use the "Click here to post comments." link at the bottom of the page to rate the proofreading and leave a comment if you wish.


Proofreading and editing pages that receive ratings and comments are moved to the top of the list.

Click here to post comments

Return to Free English Editing and Proofreading Archive 2010.