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Original Text: Something


If students have access to cellphones, it will improve their education and the troubles that they face while doing their homework. More students are finding it difficult to do their homework especially when they have no technology to help them. But an article written by Kate Hammer whose from The Globe And Mail quotes announcing that, "there was a study and by the end of the year, more than 90% of students passed their end-of-year exam in an independent evaluation scheduled to be released on the week of the 24th of May 2011. After 4 years in the programs, most of the students went on to complete Advanced Placement math courses." Teens who have smart phones can have the access to apps like a scientific calculator, a thesaurus or a dictionary to guide them through their assignments in class. Yet this part of the article has convinced me that a cellphone is should be allowed indoors. Especially for those who struggle in subjects like Math, English, or Geography.

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Revised Text:

If students have access to cellphones, it will improve their education and help with the problems they face while doing their homework.

More students are finding it difficult to do their homework, especially when they have no technology to help them. An article written by Kate Hammer of The Globe And Mail states that, "there was a study and by the end of the year, more than 90% of students passed their end-of-year exam in an independent evaluation scheduled to be released on the week of the 24th of May 2011. After 4 years in the programs, most of the students went on to complete Advanced Placement math courses."

Teens who have smart phones can have the access to apps like; a scientific calculator, a thesaurus and a dictionary, to guide them through their assignments in class. This part of the article has convinced me that cellphones should be allowed indoors, especially for those who struggle in subjects like Math, English, or Geography.

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