Thanks

Original Text: Thanks


It was a pleasure to meet and speak with you all of you
today to discuss the opportunity for possible employment with
Jones company.

The position sounds interesting and challenging.
It encompasses many of the interests that I hope I
was able to express to you, including organizational
support and working on a variety of projects.

With my diverse background I feel I would be an asset
to the William Mitchell community, and I thank you in
advance for the consideration you have given me. Please feel
free to contact me with any further questions.

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Revised Text:

It was a pleasure to meet and speak with all of you today to discuss the opportunity for possible employment with Jones company.

The position sounds interesting and challenging. It encompasses many of my interests, which I hope I was able to communicate to you, including; organizational support, and working on a variety of projects.

With my diverse background, I feel I would be an asset to the Xxxxxxx Xxxxxxxx community, and I thank you in advance for the consideration you have given me.

Please feel free to contact me with any further questions. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

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Return to Invitation 5- Proofreading Archive-April to June 2011.