The Field 17

by Glenn Gillis
(Lévis Quebec Canada)

Original Text: The Field 17


Moments later they had decided to inform the police. As they were about to enter their cars, suddenly Alan spotted something moving at the far end of the field.
“Over there!” Alan cried out pointing towards the end of the field.
They hurried toward the edge of the field. Elizabeth lost her temper after stumbling over one of her high heels while trying to keep up.
As soon as they reached the children they tried questioning them, but it was useless. They would only cry and mumble something about a toy that was taken away from them. Alan somehow tried again.
“Charlie, Charlie its OK mommy and daddy are here.”
“Charlie-, listen, what happened and where is Barbara?”
“Don’t (sniff) know.” Charlie repeated weeping.
It was no use, Charlie couldn’t stop himself from sobbing. All three in fact complained about having a headache.
Elizabeth was more than steaming with temper. Not only was she pissed at Barbara for leaving Charlie alone while running off with... some presumed boyfriend of hers, but the new dress that she had bought had grass stains on it. This was just a little too much, as for Barbara the police could take care of her. If she thinks she could get away with this...
First thing Elizabeth had in mind would be to call the police as soon as she got home.
“I don’t think she’ll be baby-sitting anywhere anymore.

Two and a half weeks after the incident, there was still no trace of Barbara Adams. The inquiry was going on its third week. Speculation had it that Barbara Adams had run off with a new boyfriend; however, the investigation would go on further. There was still no logical explanation found concerning the burnt book found in the sand pile.
* * *

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Revised Text:

Moments later they had decided to inform the police. As they were about to get into their cars, Alan suddenly spotted something moving at the far end of the field. “Over there!” he cried out, pointing.

As they hurried towards that end of the field, Elizabeth lost her temper after stumbling over one of her high heels while trying to keep up.

As soon as they reached the children, they tried questioning them, but it was useless. The children would only cry and mumble something about a toy that had been taken away from them.

Alan tried again “Charlie, Charlie its OK. Mommy and daddy are here.”

“Charlie-, listen, what happened, and where is Barbara?”

“Don’t (sniff) know.” Charlie said, weeping.

It was no use, Charlie couldn’t stop himself from sobbing, and all three children complained about having headaches.

Elizabeth was more than steaming with temper. Not only was she pissed at Barbara for leaving Charlie alone while running off with... presumably some boyfriend, but her new dress had grass stains on it. This was just a little too much. As for Barbara, the police could take care of her. "If she thinks she can get away with this..."

The first thing Elizabeth had in mind would be calling the police as soon as she got home. “I don’t think she’ll be baby-sitting anywhere anymore."

Two and a half weeks after the incident, there was still no trace of Barbara Adams. The inquiry was going into its third week, and speculation had it that Barbara Adams had run off with a new boyfriend. However, the investigation would go on, there was still no logical explanation for the burnt book found on the sand pile.
* * *

Editor:

1. Please review the text carefully to ensure your intended meaning was not mistakenly changed.

2. Before you leave this page, please take a moment to use the "Click here to post comments." link at the bottom of the page to rate the proofreading and leave a comment if you wish.


Proofreading and editing pages that receive ratings and comments are moved to the top of the list.

Click here to post comments

Return to Free Proofreading.