Notice

Original Text: Notice

Dear John

On Monday, October 25, 2010 I looked over the figures that the front desk came up with in regards to the wedding gowns and bridesmaids. I was informed by Ann on Friday, October 22, 2010 that she and Lisa overcharged Susan on the discounted wedding gowns. On Saturday, October 23, 2010 Susan and Lynette came into Bridal Mart to receive a store credit per your approval. Susan was originally overcharged on Friday, October 22, 2010 the amount of $1,123.00. Susan and Lynette then took 65 bridesmaids dresses out of the store that totaled $3,272.50. Now Susan owes Bridal Mart $2,149.50 because she took more dresses than her credit was worth.

You and I looked over all the figures that the front desk came up with and agree to the above amounts. You had me call Lynette on October 25, 2010 to inform her that we have a problem with what was removed from the store. According to you “ No bridesmaids were to be removed from the store until you figured out the problem.” When I called Lynette she said “I have nothing to do with the dresses, you have to call Susan, I was just the driver.” I then called Susan to go over the problem and she did not pick up her phone. I left Susan a message for Susan explaining that I needed to talk to her and for her to call me. As of October, 26 2010 I have not heard back from her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Revised Text:

Dear John

On Monday, October 25, 2010, I looked over the figures that the front desk came up with in regards to the wedding and bridesmaid's gowns.

I was informed by Ann on Friday, October 22, 2010 that she and Lisa overcharged Susan on the discounted wedding gowns. On Saturday, October 23, 2010, Susan and Lynette came into Bridal Mart to receive a store credit as per your approval.

Susan was originally overcharged the amount of $1,123.00 on Friday, October 22, 2010. Susan and Lynette took 65 bridesmaid's dresses with a total price of $3,272.50 out of the store. Susan now owes Bridal Mart $2,149.50 because she took more dresses than her credit was worth.

You and I looked over all the figures that the front desk came up with and agree to the above amounts. You had me call Lynette on October 25, 2010 to inform her that we have a problem with what was removed from the store.

According to you, “No bridesmaid's gowns were to be removed from the store until you figured out the problem.” When I called Lynette she said “I have nothing to do with the dresses, you have to call Susan, I was just the driver.” I then called Susan to go over the problem and she did not pick up her phone. I left Susan a message explaining that I needed to talk to her and for her to call me. As of October, 26 2010 I have not heard back from her.

Editor:

1. Please review the text carefully to ensure your intended meaning was not mistakenly changed.

2. Before you leave this page, please take a moment to use the "Click here to post comments." link at the bottom of the page to rate the proofreading and leave a comment if you wish.


Proofreading and editing pages that receive ratings and comments are moved to the top of the list.

Click here to post comments

Return to Free English Editing and Proofreading Archive 2010.