Rough Draft

Original Text: Rough Draft

The day started out like any other, one warm sunny afternoon in October, an incoming call came in for a young Afghan local female age 16-17 for possible kidney failure


Revised Text:

The day started out like any other. On a warm, sunny afternoon in October, a call came in reporting a young, local Afghan female, age 16-17, with possible kidney failure.


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Return to Free English Proofreading and Editing Archive January - March 2011.